WHAT-HO!

entry of march 3, 2026

mood: sick And tired but not Sick and Tired iykwim
music: That's Not Me by Skepta
currently: in chemistry class

My stomach hurts and I feel like I have an awful amount to do today, so I'm writing this in class instead of waiting until I get home because I know that I'm going to just eat and sleep as soon as I get home. There was an anti-ICE walkout today but I had literally no idea until like, 10 minutes before it happened, so I can't really talk about it that much. Anyways, more of my whining.

I first heard That's Not Me in a Jack Krauser edit and spent an equal amount of time drooling over RE4R Krauser and getting my ears blessed. Today was the first time that I listened to the song in full, and I ended up actually really liking it. I think accents are one of the most interesting aspects of music just because it's like they either blend in with the vocals and become unnoticable, or they actually get amplified in the song. I wish I knew more about British accents so I could say something insightful about Skepta, but I just think his accent tickles my ears in a good way. I would say he's also very forceful while rapping, which exemplifies said accent.

I don't really care about my ex-friends anymore because I think they're actually just all pieces of shit that don't deserve anything, but they're back in my mind for a bit because one of them finally decided to unfriend me on Steam. I usually wouldn't have noticed, but because I happen to be special, I like to take note of my exact number of friends on every platform so I can notice as soon as someone unfriends me. 37 on Steam, 75 on Discord, 78 on Roblox. I'm quite the socialite, wouldn't you say? Anyways, this ties back in with what I was talking about earlier because I said so. There's a line in the song that goes, "True, I used to look like you / But dressing like a mess? Nah, that's not me" and I think it's funny and applicable to my situation. It's weird to think about because I basically used to rely on these guys for everything, but they're not good people. There's a nasty streak of talking shit about people behind their backs for the smallest thing, and I guess since there was nobody left to talk about it was finally my turn. Guess that's what I get, but who's the one who's actually self-aware? Me.

I thought this situation would have affected me more, considering the last time they almost dropped me I developed a complex similar to Penance from Marvel Comics where I decided that cutting myself all over my body was the only way to repent. Now, though, I realize that I only took it so poorly because I was in probably the worst mixed episode of my life and was considering making a whole website to double as a suicide note. I'm not sure why they even decided to invite me back if they knew they were just going to drop me not even two months later, but who cares? This time, I genuinely DGAF and it's genuinely so crazy. I've been talking to more people online, which I haven't really done since befriending these guys, and it's just fun to be able to talk with people who will actually respond to me and talk shit about me straight to my face. If you're being up front about it, it's really not that bad.

You might be saying, "if you don't care about what happened, why are you writing about it on your blog?" Well, that's actually a good question. The thing is that I don't give two shits that I'm not friends with these people anymore because I'm better off without them. The thing I actually care about is how it has made me think more about myself and how I behave and how I interact with others, which is far more relevant than petty Discord bitching. My last journal post on the website that I started after the first incident was all about me trying to be a better person and treat others nicer. I think it had a good sentiment, but I'm just punching myself thinking about it because I was doing it specifically so those fuckwads wouldn't "call me out" for anything. Literally what was my problem? Go be a good person because it makes you and others feel good, not because you don't want people to write a 500 word callout in your DMs. And fuck everyone that does write 500 word callouts in DMs. If you let it get to the point that you need to send multiple max-character messages instead of just bringing your issues up when they arise, fuck you. Also, I don't like that one guy anymore. This has been a problem since October and I'm glad it's finally over.

Back to the stuff that isn't really important. I set up my Steam profile so that the achievement display is a little ode to Jim Darkmagic. I wanted to do this earlier, but Idle Champions does this thing where the locked achievements don't show their actual icon on the Steam app, so I had no idea there was even an achievement that featured his face until I was going through the Vecna variants in Grand Tour and almost had a heart attack from seeing him. Sometimes his icon looks like he's grinning, but then you look closely and remember that he has a severe overbite and you start going "eeewwwww" but in a positive way. He's like a naked mole rat in that regard, you know?

My computer is going to die soon and I think I'm about done with this blog post, so go have a good rest of your day, whoever you are. Hank out.
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